good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
