Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
