Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
