My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
