every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish i was in the wii world.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
