I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
