Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
