Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am one with the molecules
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
