Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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