Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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