are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
