so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
