2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
