the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
