I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
