I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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