You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
