i think my mom watched the whole time
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Randomize
