dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
