things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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