Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
