U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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