woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
