Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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