I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
