I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
