Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
