This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
