Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
