Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
