did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
