i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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