he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
