I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
