Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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