I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
