I can text with my tongue
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
