the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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