So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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