It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
