Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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