It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
