you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
