I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
