I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
