You made me cry and you don't even care
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
