the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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