Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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