honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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