I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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