last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
