i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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