P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
