I'm sorry my penis didn't work
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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