we made out on top of his cat.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
