What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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